Dignity Is Everything: A Personal Story About Dementia
I truly learned what dignity meant at the end of my grandpa's life.
His name was Henry (or Hank if you were a friend), but I called him Grandpa. Despite being a hard-ass and proud Polish man, he always had a soft spot for his grandkids. He would sign "I love you" in ASL from across the room. He sang Bobby Vinton love songs. He always stopped by my house with my favorite candy to make me smile. He was quiet and stoic in his love, but I felt it.
Unfortunately, about two years before my grandpa passed away he had a stroke. He never fully recovered and was subsequently moved to an assisted living facility (ALF). It was there that he began showing rapid signs of dementia. It was devastating, but he had to be moved to a higher level of care - a long-term skilled nursing facility (SNF).
The strong man I once knew was replaced by a paranoid and combative patient. He was afraid to leave his room because he was convinced people came and stole his things. He trusted no one, not even his own family members. My grandpa lost everything in the span of a few short years. His home, his car, his independence, and his mind.
This swift change left my family feeling helpless. What do you do when your loved one doesn’t trust you? When you know they are safe, but they don’t feel that way? Well, my family decided to live in his version of reality. They convinced the SNF to let us place a battery-operated doorbell outside his room so the nurses and aides could ring it before coming into his room. And guess what... it reduced his behaviors!
Although he never said it, we know that doorbell gave him back a sense of control which he lost.
Validation is a wonderful strategy to use when working with individuals with dementia. My family used it before I even knew what it was! It's something I always recommend to caregivers and health professionals. It is impossible to reason with an individual with advanced dementia and often leads to more harm than good. So, embrace what they are saying and make them feel safe and secure in their reality.
The little details matter in dementia. Dignity matters. I see my grandpa in so many patients I work with now. And it makes me a calmer and more compassionate SLP. I learned the hard way that every patient I interact with is someone's loved one. They had a life before the disease took it away. They deserve your respect. They deserve unwavering patience. They deserve to maintain their dignity.
This story was featured in the book “But My Speech Is Fine!”
This is the book you’ve been waiting for! Are you sick of others not understanding your role in the healthcare system as an SLP? Lauren sheds light on the scope of practice of medical SLPs through short, heartwarming stories on everything from the NICU to brain surgery. You can purchase a copy for yourself on Amazon HERE!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Katie Brown, MA, CCC-SLP,CBIS
Katie is the owner and founder of Neuro Speech Solutions. She is passionate about providing person-centered treatment to her clients in order to meet their life participation goals. Katie is dedicated to helping other SLPs provide functional therapy through affordable materials and education courses.
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